Eating fast food is always a regrettable decision. My salt-craving taste buds say yes, but my stomach says fuck you.
If you have a glass table and you dump a jar of spaghetti sauce on it, then smear it all around with your hand, that’s a pretty accurate depiction of my lifelong sleep habits.
the sound of teenage girls laughing near you when you’re by yourself is literally the most terrifying thing a person can experience
I think large groups of teenage/young adult boys in parking lots when you’re by yourself are a lot scarier than teenage girls.
God, did I ever write about this one time earlier this year, I went to Panera one evening and there was a loud group of guys spread out in the parking lot? I just wanted to get some macaroni and cheese to go, and I had to walk past all these guys who were revving their engines and yelling. On my way back out, I heard one guy yell “let’s race this one!” And I thought, good lord I hope they’re not talking about me. Don’t race me, don’t chase me, don’t interact with me. I was a small person, by myself, driving a maybe-kind-of-conspicuous car. And it was getting dark. I just wanted my macaroni and cheese.